The Misery

នៅក្នុងរឿង The Misery ខ្ញុំបានរកឃើញភាពងាយស្រួលមួយក្នុងការរៀបរ៉ាប់

ពីស្រ្តីដែលពេលខ្លះយើងមានអារម្មណ៍ថាយើងស្គាល់នាងច្បាស់ណាស់

តែតាមពិតទៅស្រ្តីនៅតែជាអាថ៏កំបាំងនៃពិភពលោក

The Misery
 

I am so tired today. I am tired because I saw so many things insane. It passed through my eyes and made me think a lot to find the reason. I was sitting down the river in front of Royal Palace. The rubbish was everywhere. There were so many plastic bag and bottles of water floating in the river. And people were continuing to through the rubbish from their hands without thinking if they could keep it and put into a rubbish bin. Only the rubbish they don’t know how to manage it, how could they build this country?

There are so many beggars walking around. When I looked at them, I felt so sad. I couldn’t find the right words to say. I gave them some money and I left. I don’t want to see them abandoned like this. They should be treated in a place where they can find food. They should be kept in a place where they can find a bed to sleep. Anyway they are the misery like me and other misery people in Cambodia. There’s no paradise for the misery.

They said up above in the sky there’s a heaven. If we want to go to heaven we need to stay with a woman. The woman can build a bridge between earth and heaven. As long as we can’t reach the stars in the sky we might need to stay with a woman. She can build a bridge where we can pass to heaven each night where she doesn’t feel sleepy. I don’t know if it’s true what they said. I love a woman. She’s not really beautiful but if you see her, you will love her too. I must love her. I must love her as strong as I can. That’s what she expected from me.

It was the period where I’ve just arrived in Phnom Penh. I left countryside because I don’t want to open my eyes and see the poverty in my village. I left home because I don’t want to see my father drunk everyday.

He’s a good father. But since the land can’t grow enough rice for us to eat, it depressed him. He can’t find any work expect growing rice. That is the reason why my father drinks a lot. He might think drinking can make him forget about poverty. He doesn’t know the more he drinks the more he wastes money and the situation become worst. He can’t simply escape from the reality. He’s a misery.

I left home because I don’t want to see the sadness in my mother’s eyes. She’s a lovely mother. Since I was young, I only see her worry if she has enough food for children to eat. I rarely see her happy. At the meal time she always leaves the meats for us and she eats only the rice and fish sauce.

I don’t care if it’s because of karma that we are poor. I don’t care since we are poor if we were born just to die. I left school. I left my hometown. I left my father. I left my mother. I left my sisters and brothers. I came here alone.

I lived my life down the street as a motor washer. I sent home all my salary. Few months later I can find a new job as the security guard at the airport. I sent home half of my salary. I feel so happy when I can help them to have enough food to eat. I feel like I was born again when I see my mother smile. I asked my father to stop drinking. I recommended him to go to pagoda sometimes. Our life is improved and nothing more to worry about.

I know a woman. She studies English with me in the same class. She’s a seller at Soya shopping center. She’s not the owner but she work as a seller for a dress shop. She wants to know some English then she will look for a job like secretary for private company. She might earn more money than her current job.

She said I am her first love. She said she never loves anyone before. She said if she decides to love somebody, he must be the one she will marry. She said she doesn’t want to have a boyfriend but she is looking for a man to get married with. She said she wants to know a man and only a man in her life. I am the one she chose. I am the one she loves for the very first time and the last time of her life. She’s the right woman that I have been waiting for. I feel so happy to be her first and last man. I feel like I was born again.

It’s time to get married and follow the law of nature. They said when we are twenties’ it’s time to get married. We get married to have children. We get married to have a family.

I can’t simply escape from the reality. Like my father, no one can simply escape from the reality. I told Mum and Dad about her. I brought her home and introduced her to my family. They all agree with me to have her as a new member of the family. She also brought me to her hometown and introduced me to her family. They all agree with her to have me as a new member of the family.

We were just waiting for the day of our wedding.

There was one night where I standby at night. One video tape of recorder is full. I went to find a replacement in stock. I felt like I want to watch something. I went to the place where we achieved all the video tapes. Normally we keep the record for 7 days. But there’s one video tape that we never eras it. It’s the tape of the opening day of the terminal. I wanted to see how they celebrated the ceremony because at that time I didn’t come to work at the airport yet.

There were so many diplomatic people came on that day, including prime minister. I watched until the end of the ceremony. I felt thirty. I went to drink a glass of water. I came back and continued to watch the tape. The ceremony is finished. It rested only the passengers who passed by and worried whether they can’t catch the plan. Then the camera was turned to a couple at the corner who was trying to say goodbye to each other.

The man was leaving. The man is a foreigner, the white skin man. The woman is surely his Cambodian sweet lover. She didn’t want to let him go. She wanted to grab him in her arms and keep him stay in Cambodia. It’s not strange at the airport because this kind of thing happens everyday. Sometime I saw the whole family crying and watching until their relative disappear from their sight.

The woman still couldn’t stop crying. But her tears can’t stop or change anything. The man need to leave. When they separated I can see the face of the woman. She’s not anybody else but someone with whom I am going to get married. I’ve never cried since I was born. The video tape destroyed everything I wish. I played back again and again the video tape, to make sure it wasn’t because I was sleepy. But it’s surly my future wife. The camera was zoomed close enough to identify who is who.

Why she need to lie to me? Does every woman have a secret?

Why woman always transforms herself to somebody else in the first place? In reality she can’t hide anything. Little by little her secrets push her back to what she is. She can’t simply protect herself by telling a lie. Soon or later the truth always finds the way itself to replace the lie.

She can’t simply escape from the reality. Like my father like me, no one can simply escape from the reality. We are the misery.

I went to the river because I think the river could give me a reason. But when I see again the insane about the rubbish and the baggers I can’t stay until I find the answer. Should I leave her or should I forget the whole thing and marry her? We are the misery we should get married with the misery? She might need a change. Why shouldn’t I give her a chance? Or do you have an answer for me? Me I am so tired. I’ve already thought too much. I need to get some sleep.

END