The Girl Hunter
a short fiction by Khmerbird
Part 4
I am still wondering how a picture could be transferred from a negative film to a photographic paper. It’s like a magic. There was an image there, very clear and inerasable. I wonder the same thing, how an image of a person could be penetrated into somebody’s heart.
The raining season is ended. It stopped raining. At the same time as the rain stopped, I stopped writing to Collie. At the same time as the water in TONLE SAP flowed back to the sea, I tried to forget Collie. Would she forgive me for that?
I bet not,
But at least I believed it would be good for both of us. We reached the crossed road where we need to make a decision. Collie has chosen a way. I need to make a decision whether I was going to follow her or I choose a separated way. I though a million time. I though what if I just followed her and marry her. I don’t need to know any goddam other things. Just marry her and she will be mine. I can do the same as my friend Phal or anybody else in this country.
Isn’t true that I am dying to be with her?
YES, but what if I was wrong? What if I was wrong …?
After leaving office, I passed by Le Bonjour, a new branch boutique shop of TOTAL, to buy some fresh Angkor beer. My father likes Angkor Beer. He said if we local people don’t support local product, who is going to support for us? We should take a look at the foreigners, at least wherever they arrived, they always looks for the local product. Cambodian people should start to support the local products.
It was not everyday that I bought some beers and drink with my father. It was because I need to ask him for some advice. My father was a fortune teller. He didn’t have the third eye but people always came to him when they got trouble. He was not like any other fortune teller. My father was a philosopher, like Stendhal or Jean Jacques Rousseau. In other country, we should call him a Psychiatric. I called him Doctor Love, because most of his clients came to him when they got problem in heart. His place was not really a mental health treatment, but heart treatment.
He was good in heart treatment for both men and women. I still don’t understand why so my people came to see him and believed in what he said. I still wonder if anybody dares to ask him “if you are really good in the relationship, why your wife left you to live with somebody else?” I am not sure if he could answer. But I dare not to ask, I know he suffers a lot when my mum asked for the divorce. I saw him cried. He was drunk on that day and when I put the mosquito net for him, I saw him cry.
You cannot imagine how much it could hurt you when you see you father cry. I will never ever ask such a stupid question.
Thida, my sister, left us alone after the dinner. We sat on the Salon and watched TV. I really didn’t know where to start. I thought maybe I should come home at day time and wait for the turn as any other clients. It might be a good start.
- Work is OK? (thank to god! he started to ask me)
- Yeah, it’s OK. I got a little small increment of salary for the next year + a bonus for the end of the year.
- Good, you should be happy with that (he looked at me, seriously)
- I got some problem,
- What is it? You did something wrong?
- No… not really. I don’t know what I have. I don’t know what it is.
- You don’t know what? Girl? You know someone?
- Yes, I know a girl… almost one year now…
- And then?
- She asked me to marry her
- You liked her?
- Hummmmmmmm…
- Tell me if you like her son? Speak it frankly! I am your father.
- Yes, I like her. I think I like her a lot.
- You like her a lot? Mean you admired her. You might feel happy when you stay with her. And when you leave her, you might feel empty. There’s something missing inside you. You missed her. You won’t miss anything in this world, but you missed her. You wish to have another chance to meet her again. You hope to have that chance. You got an expectation… is it the way you feel son?
- Yeah, I wanted to share many things with her. I don’t want it to be ended.
- So you got hope, you got expectation… I think something was born inside you. We called it the first crystallization. I guess what you have right now it’s about a doubt. You are uncertain about what you have between her. You hesitate, isn’t it?
- Yes, it’s exactly how I feel right now, hesitation … How could you see those things? You got the third eye Dad? It’s so true. I don’t even know what I have. Yeah I think I have hesitation. How you do that? How you see things in my mind?
- No, I don’t have the third eye, but I have it in here, in my brain. When you hesitate, you got some kind of fear. You need to eliminate that fear. Otherwise it is not about it.
- How to eliminate that fear?
- You need to be sure, you have to think and be sure. You have to be sure that she also got an admiration on you. Did she miss you when you leave her? Did she want to see you again, to have that kind of moment together again? Does she get hope? Does she get the expectation, to share everything with you? … Does she doubt about what she feels about you? …
At last, and this is very important. You need to feel and be sure that she got something for you, something that no one in this world could give you, except her, only her. Are you sure about that?
- No, I am not sure. I am certain that I am not sure. I am not sure about how she feels about me. I need some more time.
- Does she give you the time?
- No, she doesn’t …
- Look, if she feels the same thing, it will be the same process. She would give you time because she also needs it. Or she might expect something could happen after the marriage as anybody else. But one thing that I can assure you, at this moment, at the time that we speak, there’s no second crystallization. Without the second crystallization, we cannot be sure. And I can say it’s not about what you are looking for. She might just want to get married as anybody else. You might take risk or you stop.
Finally there was no more hesitation in me. There was no doubt. I didn’t hesitate to say goodbye to Collie. There was no hesitation when you decide to fall in love with someone. It happens the same way when you decide to leave someone. There was no hesitation.
To be continued…